Imagination!

Close your eyes. Explore your mind for just a moment. Remember the days when you were a child. All you did was imagine. Everything around you, you could change and within a moment become lost in a world other than the one you lived in. You were invincible, indestructible. Nothing and no-one could harm you. From pirates to the president, a hero to a villain, you could be any one. Imagining yourself in the most impossible situations, you could come out a conqueror. Life was so simple and so incredible. Then the inevitable happened. Time. As is typical when stepping into this new chapter of life, you left the majourity of your imagination buried in the pages of childhood behind you. Casting it aside as “childish.” Lacking knowledge of the fact that when you drop your imagination, you drop a part of yourself.

Unfortunately, imagination is something we are often discouraged to pursue, since it isn’t reality. But in all reality, a lack of imagination is a lack of life! Our imagination holds a huge piece of our character, who we as individuals are. It shows in the craziest of ways what we dream and what we want to achieve in life. The greatest known people are the people who thought of something crazy and had the guts to make the picture they had in their head happen. Most of the time they were scoffed at for their “foolishness,” but look at where they’ve gotten us in the world. From Dr. Seuss to Albert Einstein, imagination was their essence in life! It brought out their passions, which they turned into reality, making the world an even more extraordinary place!

Now imagine this. Close your eyes and go off again. Go off to where it’s just you and your imagination and there is nothing holding you back. Nothing, but freedom. Freedom to dream and make your dreams real. You speak out despite any discouragements. You chase, you catch and you do. Without being childish, become childlike once again and believe in imagination. It’s the ground on which dreams are set on. And dreams are made to be chased.

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s apathy. It’s not giving a damn.

I started something months ago, I'm still not sure if it works or not but meh! That's the great thing about writing :)

It’s like my heart has paused. It’s there, functioning to keep my body going, but it’s not beating. At least, not like it used to. I feel as if I’m trapped underwater, with my lungs aching for air. Yet here I am, standing in a lush place full of oxygen. It’s the best place to breathe, yet I can’t. My motivation is gone. It has disappeared. Vanished. Not only do I lack the desire to move, I lack feeling. I’ve become numb. Apathy is sweeping through my veins. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to feel. And in all reality, I really don’t care.

How many of us have felt this way before? Full on, I sit here with both hands raised. In fact that has been me for the past couple of months. The more places I look and the more people I talk to, the more I am convinced that I am not alone. Apathy is something that is common, too common. Motivation is lacking in our society. We lack the will to do, to work, even to move. We expect everything to come to us at the snap of our fingers and when it doesn’t? Well, what the heck?! we may as well just sit on our butts and mope. Hard work has practically vanished. There’s a calculator to solve our math problems when we don’t feel like using our brain. A click of the right button and the computer fixes our spelling mistakes. Pop a dish into the microwave and there’s our gourmet dinner. It’s coming to the point where we don’t actually have to think. Technology does that for us. All we have to do is push a button. This seriously is concerning. If hard work is a character builder, what is sitting for hours on the internet and spending countless minutes playing video games? When the majourity of our time is spent mindlessly sitting in front of a box, how does this truly benefit us? In our society we bring laziness on ourselves. We take the easy way in and out, ignoring how mindless we are becoming. It starts out as a convenience but laziness has no motivation. And no motivation leads to an apathetic view on life.

Starting out with “I really don’t give a crap,” this feeling slowly courses its way through the rest of our brain making us numb to what is going on in the world. We look at the problems around us and automatically lack the drive to help, because its not our problem. We’ve become insensible, impassive and indifferent. When it comes to this point forget about it being just a problem, it’s an epidemic. I fear that if an antidote isn’t found, we’ll have a lost generation.

I know the piano knows something I don't...

Having just spent the last half hour sitting in silence sifting through this mass hurricane mess in my brain, I find myself once again sitting at my desk with a glass of red wine and my fingers pounding away on the keyboard. I'm contemplating me, my life, where I am now and where I want to be. There's something about the future that is so thrilling that it scares the crap out of me. At this point of my life, I have come to the place where I am looking for direction. What do I want to do? Where do I see myself? Most importantly, who am I and where do I belong? I'm at this place where only I can figure out what I want. No one can make that decision for me. Clearly, others can influence me, but it is I and I alone who makes the final call. When it comes to that point where the ball is in your own hands, it's not the easiest to decide where to throw it. Especially when you're an over-thinker and over-achiever like myself. I have these dreams that are constantly on my mind. I see myself there in them, but it's like I'm stuck. Too afraid to throw the ball because I'm too afraid to fail. Yet at the same time there's so much I want to focus on and all are at different ends of the field. Where the heck do I start? They're all my passions and I eventually want to achieve them all, but when it comes in which direction to angle myself in, I'm lost. So here I am standing still, my future in my hands. Time is passing too fast and I am frozen. And that irritates the life out of me. So decision: I'm going to do it. I'm going to throw the ball. I'm going to step out and do something crazy, challenging. And if I fall on my arse, so be it. Decision made, just don't ask me my plan of action, because I still don't have a clue...

Look inside my head, it's nothing but red and the mess I've been.

Have you ever looked back at pictures of yourself and wondered what happened to that person? You see yourself, free and careless. Looking back, life just seemed so right. It seemed so perfect, yet you felt the need to change it. You needed something else to make it better and then it just gets so fucked up and you're in this place where you can't change anything. You're stuck and your past haunts you because you want to be the person that you were before, but you aren't anymore and you don't know how to get yourself back and you end up sitting in front of a computer venting to the keyboard with uncontrollable tears blurring the screen and writing incredibly horrible run-on sentences. Maybe that doesn't happen to anyone. Maybe I really am the far out lost person that I feel I am. I just know that somewhere in the past three months, I've lost myself and I don't know who I am. I look back and see how happy I was before I felt the desire to look for something more. I miss me and I hate the apathetic person that I've made myself. But I don't know how to change. Time is passing faster than I can handle and I just wish I could take back the moments that I wasted with a person who in the end didn't care for me as he led on that he did. Learn from the experience, they say. Don't look at it as a waste of time, look at it as a lesson....It's easier said than done. When your insides frikkin ache and your mind is drowning in your own pathetic pity and you don't know how to change because you truly have lost yourself , just forward motion seems impossible. When you run from yourself, "you" always seems to catch up with "you." So how does one win? How do you get through the fiery pain of re-finding yourself? Maybe it's as simple as standing face to face with the self that you can't bear to look at and trying to somehow find the real you in the empty soul staring back at you. Maybe it's impossible. Oh God! I hope I find the answer soon!

Who actually lives out their dreams now a days? As in full out pursuing exactly what we have always wanted to do, without hesitation? When we were children, we were full of dreams. Not only that, we made our dreams a reality. Loosing ourselves in the world of imagination, we could do anything. We could achieve the unachievable. All the adventures we could ever hope for were right there and we could stay there as long as we wanted. Nothing could stop us. We knew exactly what we wanted, who we wanted to be and in our minds, we became exactly that. There were no limits. The world was big, free and careless. There was no fear. Then, we grew up. And those dreams vanished.
As the years go on and we go from childhood to young adulthood, we are questioned by everyone about who we want to be and what we want to do with our future. Somehow even though we have the ability to become anything we could dream to be, we believe we can't be that. Somewhere along the line our dreams have been crushed. We've been told our dreams were too wild, that it wasn't reality and we couldn't live that way. So, we stop dreaming and settle for the next best thing. Never living to our full potential.
Seriously! What is stopping us from living out our dreams and why are we letting it? We are our own person. We dream the way we do for a reason and if it's not in anyway going to cause harm then heck, GO FOR IT! Be a kid again and dream. Let it just invade your mind and take over. Ride the clouds for a moment and just think of what you want. We only have one life. We can live it in fear of what might happen or what people may say or we can live it to the crazy full ideas that we have. Dig deep the treasure that you buried in the past and wipe off the dirt. Renew yourself and drink deep in the freedom that you have. Conquer the obstacles in your way and just dream. Just dream and live it out. With no fear, no regrets, like a child once again. Dream.

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air and screaming,

What the fuck?

When every thing I try to achieve or even do just blows right up in my face, the urge to "loose it" is way too present. Push. Pull. Tug. Toss. With force comes fury and tagging along not too far behind is destruction. What do you do when you feel like you've come to this place where you don't know what the heck you're doing? Or know who you are? Your inner core has darkened and all motion has come to a halt. You become numb. Your once desires seem mindless. Try as you might to break free, nothing seems to work. Every thought in your brain starts swimming, you can't grasp onto anything. Your chest is closing in on you and eating away at you at the same time. To think straight or even breathe makes you feel like you've conquered something. You look back to what you used to be like and see the strength and the passion inside of you. How did you come this far? How can one who knows who they are and what they want in life come to the point where they have no clue or motivation to even live?
These thoughts send the thinker plummeting down to the next level. Here darkness seems to be even darker and the air even thicker. The ground beneath you is sinking. Every wall you could grab onto has crumbled at your grasp. You are truly alone. Convinced that even if you scream for help that no one would hear, you drop down, hugging your knees. A shiver goes down your spine. Emptiness. That's all you feel. Lonely silence eats you alive. Even if help did come, hope has diminished. There's no use on going on.
Apathy has taken a hold over you.